Raunchy but smart!

Time Pimp

By Garrett Cook

Publisher: Eraserhead Press 

Pub. Date: October 1, 2013

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

It is a little hard to describe Garret Cook's satirical bizarro romp Time Pimp. The main reason is because Jeff Burke has already made the best comparison with "One part Doctor Who, one part Hustler Magazine". I can not top that but while reading this hilariously rude and not-so-crude delight I couldn't help thinking Kurt Vonnegut meets R. Crumb. I think I will just have to go with "the most obscene, offensive and hilarious meeting in time and space since Barbarella shagged Superfly". You can go with that too. Or don't go with it. What do I care?

If it seems that I am a little wiggy today, you can blame that on Mr. Cook. Time Pimp is a gloriously raunchy trip involving a pimp that travels in a purple Cadillac through time, a leather clad nun and a genius panda all fighting the evil Death Pimp and the Morality Squad in a battle to keep debauchery safe and thriving in the universe. Time Pimp regularly keeps the universe healthy by making sure famous figures like Dante, Ghandi, Ayn Rand, Sherlock Holmes and others "score", to put it mildly. As Time Pimp says near the beginning of the novel, "Dante Alighieri is gonna get hisself laid and I am gonna get myself paid." In some ways, Time Pimp reads like a comic book, albeit a very smart comic book. Normally when I say something reads like a comic book, I do not mean it as a compliment. But here, Time Pimp reads like a comic book in the best sense. Cook paints ludicrous pictures with his words making each impossible place and creature vividly realized with sharp and unforgettable images in your head. And while it is a fast read, it is not a simple read. The author sends us through various dates and places in a non-linear sense yet keeps us with the story. There are basically four novellas that are linked together in what can loosely be called a novel. If any of your favorite characters (I like Professor Panda) get killed, don't worry, They will probably be back. That must be part of the Doctor Who analogy. If there is any weakness in the novel it is that the cornucopia of wild ideas seem to be on the verge of chaos at some points but they never veer totally out of control. That sense of teetering and threatened toppling is actually one of the joys of this weird tale. The author takes on a lot of ideas, physics and just plain silliness and shakes them up so you are always finding something new. Any way you look at it Time Pimp is a raucous event of a novel.

Now for the disclaimer: Time Pimp isn't for everyone. It may be the raunchiest novel I've read that wasn't sold under the counter by a creep with greasy hands. The language is as rude as it comes and the sex is outrageous as it comes. But the plot is inspired and the writing is exquisitely brilliant in an over-the-top way. So if the idea of descriptive sexual positions between Ayn Rand and Genghis Khan doesn't disturb you (much) then you are in for a treat.

Time Pimp II anyone?

P.S.: I just shared this review with a few friends and the first thing they ask me is, "How many books sold under the counter by a creep with greasy hands have you bought?" That answer is NONE! It's a figure of speech! Geesh!