Tuesday, September 1, 2015

An Interview with Godzilla

Debbie Does Monsterland & Alien vs. Debbie (F*ck All Monsters #1 & 2)

By Emma Steele

Publisher: Tiny Giraffe Press 

Pub. Dates: April 4, 2014 & April 6, 2015

Rating: See below 

I met up with Godzilla shortly at his vacation villa near Fukushima after his surprise appearance in the monster erotica series, F*ck All Monsters. It has been rumored that the superstar has been exploring other avenues of creativity. This exploration resulted in two books with the mysterious writer Emma Steele. However most of his fans were shocked by his recent excursion into not just porn but monster erotica and the literary scene, Here is the interview.

I want to thank you for taking time out of you busy schedule for this interview.

No problem.

The first question is obvious. Why porn?

Well, I’ve been getting tired of the whole stomp and burn scene and there aren’t a lot of monsters that i haven't worked with. I did go into negotiations with Spielberg to appear in Jurassic World but the man has no vision. There was some talk about a Freddy Krueger vs Godzilla movie but it didn’t work out. I mean, what could be done? STOMP! End of movie. I have been looking for opportunities to broaden my fan base and stretch my talent, so to speak. So when Emma Steele called me…

Wait a minute. You actually met Emma Steele?

Not really. I talked to her on the phone. It’s weird though. Every time we talked her voice kept changing and at first it was pretty low for a woman. I just assumed she was hoarse, a result of in-field research for her book. Anyway, as I was saying. We talked about me appearing in a book and, being Japanese, I was familiar with manga tentacle sex comics. It’s a big thing in Japan. It has even been rumored that Hedorah appeared in a few under another name. When Emma suggested a non-Japanese excursion into monster porn I was intrigued. Plus I would be working with an actual human female that was 50 foot tall. How could I resist?

Godzilla, this might be a good time to explain the first book, Debbie Does Monsterland. Can you give us an idea what it is about.

OK. It’s about Nancy Archer aka Debbie who is 50 foot tall and has a libido the same size. In order to satisfy her sexual urges she escapes from HOME (Hollywood Organization for Medical Experimentation) to Monster Island where she means to take on yours truly. But as she arrives she is met by a horny welcoming party consisting of Minilla, Baragon, Gamera, Rodan, and Kumonga,. She dispatches each one with her skills. On the last page I show up.


And? And nothing! The books ends! No one gets to see the parts of me they don’t see in the movies! I tell you, it was a big waste of time and money. But Emma told me she wanted to wait until the sequel.

In telling us about Debbie Does Monsterland, you know you pretty much gave away the entire plot.

So? It’s a porn book. Who cares about plot? But if you do care, then you are going to like the sequel.

So tell us about the second book, Alien vs. Debbie.

That one they got right. I show up at the beginning and what a scene! Debbie’s a real pro and has finesse. Mothra can keep The Twins. Debbie knows what she is dong.

So the book, despite its title, is about you and Debbie.

Well, no. That’s the thing. Debbie does me and bang! A bomb goes off sending Debbie out into space and leaving me forever out of the action. Now I know how Janet Leigh felt in Psycho. Debbie returns to normal size but still has the libido of a 50 foot woman. She ends up on a ship carrying a zoo of fictional alien characters. Predator, Alien, Jabba the Hut, ET, you name it they are there. I think you can figure out where this goes. Frankly I think it’s a big stretch except for ALF. As he says in the book, and it’s no secret in the trade, he loves to eat pussy.

So now that you conquered the porn market, what’s next?

I think I’m done with monster erotica. There is not much else I can do in it. But I have been touring in Summer Theater and expanding my horizons. One local critic said I was the best Willy Loman he’d ever seen.

No more appearances with Debbie?

No, there will be one more book but I won’t be in it. I hear they booked Cthulhu. Working with Cthulhu is crazy. If you aren’t insane before you will be afterwards. But I wish Debbie the best of luck.

Before we go, how do you rate the two F*ck All Monsters books.

Debbie Does Monsterland is three stars because it’s too short and I’m not really in it. Alien vs. Debbie gets four star because it has me and an actual plot.

Thank you for your time, Godzilla.

No problem. When you get back to California, tell Spielberg I said Jurassic World sucks the big one.

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